Since the death of my daughter, Easter has become so much more beautiful to me. Easter is the holiday that gives me hope about my daughter’s existence and new life. Easter is everything to me! Now when I hear those sermons, and the preacher asks, “Do you really believe this?”, I can answer a resounding YES! That question is no longer cerebral, something I can mull over and contemplate the rest of the week. That question is personal; it is the question that decides how you will deal with grief.
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Today, I got the news that a friend had lost her baby at birth. Even though it’s been almost four years since losing Hope, and even though I have heard of so many sweet babies passing away, my heart breaks anew each time I hear those words.
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Grief is such a tricky thing. It’s always in the back of my mind, which is fine because that means that Hope, Jonah, and January are always in my mind too. But sometimes, unexpected moments can trigger grief to come roaring back to the surface.
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So, fellow bereaved mama, embrace your stretch marks, extra skin, and C-section scars. They are part of your story; they connect you to that baby that lives in your heart.
Posted on January 28, 2019
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Maybe your attempts at having more children have failed, and you feel like your life will never contain joy without a child. Maybe you feel that you will never be able to find healing from your loss. If so, run to Jesus.
Posted on January 05, 2019
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I would like to suggest that Christmas is actually meant for people who are suffering and grieving. When you understand the true meaning of Christmas, it suddenly becomes a time of healing and hope instead of a season of pain and isolation.
Posted on December 05, 2018
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After my daughter passed away, I clung to books as a way to process and understand what had happened to me. Reading about other people’s journeys through grief gave me hope that one day I would be able to find happiness again and be able to live without the cloud of grief enveloping me every moment of every day.
Posted on November 12, 2018
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"When my daughter died in my womb, my first thought was, “Why did God take away my blessing? What did I do wrong?”
Posted on October 29, 2018
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I wish I remembered more of her pregnancy and life, but the trauma of her death has erased a lot of my memories. But I don’t want Hope to only be defined by the tragedy of her loss. I want to talk about who she was and how much I love her.
Posted on October 08, 2018
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One of the good things that has come from the depth of our suffering is that we were led to adoption.
Posted on September 13, 2018
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When we brought Sammy home, our older son Matti asked us, “Can he stay here?” It was such a profound question, one that my own heart had asked God so many times during my pregnancy and during that 10 day period in the NICU.
Posted on August 26, 2018
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I was often worried about how our grief would affect Matthias and how it would change my parenting. I knew that it would have an impact on his life, but I didn’t know if I was going to permanently scar him because of the depth of sorrow he saw in me.
Posted on August 14, 2018
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