I had to have an emergency c-section, so I couldn’t be transported. It was days before I got to see and hold his still and lifeless body. As I anticipated that moment, I was so unsure. I had a million questions for God. Why would he allow me to carry this precious boy only to take him hours after birth? Why is death required of such an “innocent” life? Was this a consequence of something I had done? Am I meant to be a mother?
But when I walked in to hold Grayson, my heart soared. I saw this beautiful creation from God and some of my questions began to have answers. I realized God is sovereign, He is trustworthy, He is faithful. Because of that I knew at least, not why he allowed me to have Grayson, but that He did plan it, He did ordain it, and He did sovereignly work in it. Grayson’s life holds purpose. And therefore, so does my motherhood over Grayson. That is a position God granted to me.
My heart’s desire in owning this little shop A Beautiful Remembrance is to bring some comfort to hurting mamas (& their families). Even if you have not visited my shop before I would love to pray for you. I know that some days are so hard to get through that it feels like too much to bear. I know that some days you feel like you can hardly function. I know that some days you act “as if” you are doing fine but you are dying inside. I know somedays you are simply numb. I know some days you are angry and can’t make sense of anything. When you are having those days can I pray for you? I really mean it. Please reach out to me through Instagram or Facebook or send me an e-mail. I would love to pray for you. You don’t have to give me details but you can if you want to. You can just say “Lisa, can you please pray for me today?” or you can pour your heart out if you want to.
My dear friend Lauren wrote this blog and today as this is posted would have been her dear Hope Zoe's 4th birthday. Happy Birthday Hope Zoe. Please read on ....
A Sad Birthday Party
How do you throw a birthday party for a dead person? Seems like a morbid question, but nonetheless, it is the question that has been forefront in my mind over the last few weeks. My daughter’s birthday is coming up on May 17, but because she was stillborn, that day is also her official death day. No one tells you that there is no category for such things in your brain; it’s very difficult to process and cope with the fact that the only significant date you have for your daughter is fraught with the worst memories imaginable. I want to celebrate her with our friends and family, but how do you celebrate someone that most of them never knew or even glimpsed? I want to have a birthday party, but it won’t necessarily be a happy one. How do you invite people to such an event?